"The Blur" - An Angelic Message in a Troubled Time

The Story Behind One of my Most Esoteric Cards

Last week, I began pulling a card each day for my Instagram, TikTok, & Youtube followers to Introduce my deck to the world! And It's been great - but a 1-2 minute video is often not enough time to tell the story of a card, and to communicate the depth of It. (A page single page in a guidebook was hard enough!)

The concept of this card was born from a moment that felt magical, spirit led, and extremely transformative - like all the cards in my deck, sure - but this one was extremely potent.

One evening, I sat outside by the fire pit after dinner, in the massive "yard" that Is our 40 acres, as I typically would. This Is a nearly nightly ritual for me - after my husband goes to bed, I take this stargazing time to feel the dark of night surround me, pray, contemplate what's moving through me, and come to a kind of self-resolution before the day's end. On this night, however, I was VERY locked In anxiety.

You know the kind of lock I'm talking about, I'm sure - the kind that spirals you even tighter the moment you tell yourself to stop being so anxious. The kind that squeezes. I can't recall the precise thing I was anxious about, but that's probably because there were innumerable things to be anxious about - dying family members, the construction cost of our house, the world falling apart, how on earth I was going to be able to perform to the level required of me In all aspects of life (maybe largely self-imposed, to be fair) - and probably a tinge of fear of the giant insects that might fall on my in the night. There was a lot going on, and that tightness just wouldn't lift. As I closed my eyes, the shapes I saw In my minds' eye began turning Into fractals of gnashing teeth, claws, scorpions and devilish things.

"Oh no," I thought, "it's happening again."

As strange as that sounds, this has been a somewhat common occurrence for me when I am too stressed out. When I am in too much fear or overwhelm, the gnashing fractals show up. I don't know exactly why It happens, or what could be to blame for It - perhaps It's the result of having a very Imaginative mind, being a vivid lucid dreamer, or something else entirely... but I've never known how to stop It. Whatever It Is, It feels like some sort of evil force, and Its presence causes the knot to become even tighter, and the pain of fear to magnify until I almost can't take It anymore. So In this moment, I felt scared as fuck.

But a voice came to me. Clear, quick, like a flash - "Where's your focus?"

That gave me a jolt. As my eyes had been closed, the gnashing fractals had consumed my awareness and had my attention pinned to Its presence. I noticed that, with eyes closed, my vision was hyper focused on a single spot In the field - my closed eyes were not at rest.

I opened my eyes, re-set my gaze to something more relaxed, then closed them again - breathed In and out, trying to allow my focus to become the entire periphery of what was In my mind's eye. I tried to let It blur. I Imagined the feeling I have on a hike, when my peripheral vision both widens and relaxes at once, In bliss and enjoyment, taking In the entirety of a beautiful scene - and when I did, the nasty fractals dissolved. And slowly, a brilliant bright light appeared, green and gold and pink, and with It came something that felt supernatural - a washing over of complete peace and tranquility, a washing away of the pain and fear - a warm feeling of total love.

The words of my teacher Peter Brown, may he rest In eternal enjoyment of all that Is, came to mind - he told me that If I didn't like one experience, I could "walk Into another room" of my awareness - because there are Infinite "rooms" to explore, Infinite vibes and sensations and flavors to explore. See, we often fall Into the trap of believing that there's only one way to look at, feel, or experience a certain thing In our lives - the way to experience something Is obviously the mode that Is hitting us over the head, being blatant, showing up loudest - but that's not the case - we actually have access to the unified Infinite field of awareness at all times, and within It there's a room of peace, there's a room of fear, there's a room of anger - and whatever the beautiful fuck had just happened to me was like an angel opened a door to another room and Invited me In.

"I'm In a different room," I said as I opened my eyes, slowly coming back to my regular bodily presence - "holy shit, I am In a different room." Not literally, of course, but mentally, spiritually, awareness-ly. I stood up from my couch and walked around the "yard" In the dark, quiet-yelling In celebration "I'm In another room!" All It took was to question my focus. And now I knew how to defeat those pesky freaky scorpion fractals.

This was something revelatory, and I suddenly remembered, in joy, a phrase I used to say to myself - "let It blur." After the kickoff of my spiritual awakening In 2013 (a moment of total transformation I call "the big ZING") my focus was on the unified field of awareness as a completely constant mode - I could not un-see that everything was one, that everything contained everything else, that there were no separate "objects" or "people" or sounds or smells - It was just one massive GOD thing, like a beautiful blur. When I would end a busy work day focusing on precision collage cutting or painting or glueing processes, editing photos on a screen or being behind my camera, I would gleefully say to myself, "ok, It's quittin' time - let It blur." And my enjoyment of life In the evenings would come from allowing the unified field to take over, once this "human" could cease with the specificity.

And then - back In my dirt yard at night - everything clicked. Where's your focus? Just let It blur.

That's how The Blur was born - an amalgamation of multiple Important lessons on my path, rolled Into one big profound and beautiful moment - our focus can help us, and our focus can fail us - simply ditching the specificity and allowing our vision to blur to see the entire unified field allows us to BECOME the unified field. Whether It's our literal vision, our attention, or our mind's eye, when we let It blur we let In peace, we let In tranquility, and we remember we have access to all things - not just the thing we're hyper-fixated upon!

This card was a miracle to discover, and I hope It Invites miraculous discoveries to unfold In anyone who draws It from my deck, or has read this story - whether It reminds people to get really expansive and join the unified field, or It simply reminds someone to give themselves a break and let something go, off of their minds.

Trust In your eternal becoming - and remember, there's always something new to experience In the next room over.

-Gillian

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